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Off the top of your head, how many sayings do you know that have to do with time?

Time is of the essence...

Only time will tell...

Everything takes time...

It's a funny thing, time. It's something that's always there, ticking away, going generally unnoticed, like dust collecting on your shelf. There are moments where you notice time, or how much dust has accumulated. Lately, time has been something that I've taken notice of. Time is something that has been mocking me lately. Twenty-four hours seems double anymore. It's purposefully keeping track of me now, or perhaps it's me keeping track of it. And what's upsetting is that I know why I'm more cognizant of time: I haven't had the one thing that would otherwise keep me distracted - a job.

Here's the honest, hard to bare truth: I haven't had a job in a year.

Twelve months...

52 weeks...

365 days...

Although my carefree, happy-go-lucky disposition is what everyone sees, I'm truly a person that thrives on structure. I touched on this, briefly, in my previous blog post I do my best when I'm working forty-plus hours a week, fully engrossed and committed to whatever the task. To make matters worse, if you can call it that, I left my job willingly - COVID was not a factor to my leaving. At first, it was something that necessary for my mental health and overall physical well-being. I was able to refocus on what I wanted to achieve, professionally, and seek out positions that would allow me to thrive. There were a few opportunities that I thought would get me there. I was brought in for one, was asked to come in to give a presentation which had an interview to follow. Both went well - I left them impressed and wanting more. Then, weeks went by and I hadn't heard anything from them. I sent emails and left voicemails, all to no avail. While being ghosted was something I was used to, I had only experienced it through a dating app, never from a potential employer.

I told myself that it was fine; that it wasn't a good fit anyway and that I could just hit the virtual pavement again (since most everything is found and applied for online now).

Then COVID hit.

Hiring freezes...

Uncertainty of when offices would (or could) open again...


All these things didn't stop me from submitting applications. I even had another interview lined up, this time multiple phone interviews. I had two, then a virtual face to face was tentatively scheduled, only to be pushed back on a couple occasions. Then, similar to the first, I was ghosted. The first time it happens, you think "shame on them! They missed out on a great thing with me." When it happens a second time, the tone shifts: "well shit! Maybe it's me..."

It's been months and I haven't stopped. Applications are still sent, they're still reviewed, and I still get those generic emails that say, in so many words:

Thank you, but no...

We'll keep your resume on file...

Better luck next time...

There is something out there, I'm sure of it. It may not be something that I was thinking, or in the field that I think. But I'm hopeful. Things could be a lot worse, and for some they are. I know that things like this don't last forever. Lately, I've been starting to listen to the advice I would give to every student that would come into my office while I was their internship coordinator at Job Corps. They would finish an internship with me - and have done very well - only to not be offered a position with the company. They would come into my office, head low. Defeated.

I would let them vent and express their frustrations. Then, when the kettle was taken off the flame to stifle the whistle, I would look them in the eye and say:

"Every no that you get, really means not at this time. And not at this time really means come back later and ask again. The most nerve racking thing about looking for a job is the fact that they can say no. But, you can never get a yes without putting yourself out there. So, lets do everything we can to get that yes."

So here I am: ready to go from not at this time to getting a yes of my own.

But only time will tell.


Title: Clocks

Artist: Coldplay

Year Released: 2002

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